Articles
I love chapman!!!!!
I love chapman!!!!!

nothing to see here! o_o

Undie Run in the Woke Age
Undie Run in the Woke Age

This is the Undie Run in 2050.

Chapman Republicans Holiday Debate Topic Submission: Why Michelle Obama is Actually Just a Life-Size Cake.
Chapman Republicans Holiday Debate Topic Submission: Why Michelle Obama is Actually Just a Life-Size Cake.

Is Michelle Obama a human or is she made of cake? 

Orange Liquor Store Cashier Has ‘Something Special For You in the Back’— Turns Out It’s Lost Kingdom of Agartha
Orange Liquor Store Cashier Has ‘Something Special For You in the Back’— Turns Out It’s Lost Kingdom of Agartha

This past Friday, I entered Orange Liquor with the usual goal in mind: buy a pack of raspberry Smirnoff Ices for a little pregame with my girls. 

Chapman Wonders Why You All Expected Dorm Pool by Labor Day, After Saying it Would be Done by Labor Day.
Chapman Wonders Why You All Expected Dorm Pool by Labor Day, After Saying it Would be Done by Labor Day.

So that’s why the meathead next to me in Econ 202 was wearing a speedo in class…

JOHN EASTMAN ARRESTED: Requests competent lawyer, NOT a former student of his
JOHN EASTMAN ARRESTED: Requests competent lawyer, NOT a former student of his

Here’s Johnny!

New Marquee Blows Up Power Grid
New Marquee Blows Up Power Grid

Have they tried turning it off and on again?

Bluestone Lane is for the Boys
Bluestone Lane is for the Boys

Bluestone Lane and bitches

Chapman Gym to Install Insecurity Stalls
Chapman Gym to Install Insecurity Stalls

Finally, the voice inside your head (that your therapist tells you not to listen to) has been heard!

Featured
Senior Moves to NYC for “Dream Service Industry Job”
Senior Moves to NYC for “Dream Service Industry Job”

Sophia is excited to announce she will finally take the risk and move into her own $3000 one bedroom apartment in Bushwick.

Male Student Busted for Busting on Reagan Bust
Male Student Busted for Busting on Reagan Bust

Reagan has been shot, although this time with a different type of bullet.

Bluestone Lane is for the Boys
Bluestone Lane is for the Boys

Bluestone Lane and bitches

Senior Advice for the Incoming Freshman
Senior Advice for the Incoming Freshman

What is one piece of advice you’d give your younger self?

SAD: Graduates Miss Jerry Price’s Backflip After Getting Distracted By Loud Plane

Yooooo Jerry do a flip!!!!!!!

Smith Hall’s Masturbating Ghost: Great Metaphor for Graduating
Smith Hall’s Masturbating Ghost: Great Metaphor for Graduating

John Cassian, a staunch Catholic and ghost stuck in purgatory in Smith Hall room 206, refuses to ‘go into the light’ for fear of going to Hell.

OPINION: End Drought-Resistant Landscaping
OPINION: End Drought-Resistant Landscaping

As an Instagram-based climate activist, I’m all about saving the turtles, just not when it’s this fucking ugly.

Grandma’s Actual Death Limits Future Absence Potential
Grandma’s Actual Death Limits Future Absence Potential

Josh Smith had been using the “My Grandma died” email as a surefire way to get out of class for years.

Student Claims K-Apartment, Citing “Squatters Rights”
Student Claims K-Apartment, Citing “Squatters Rights”

Chapman should have less housing, probably.

New “Macro Friendly” Station Opens at the Caf
New “Macro Friendly” Station Opens at the Caf

Looking for more ways to contribute to your glorified eating disorder?

Three Girls Stranded In Fiji After Uber Takes Them To Actual Fiji
Three Girls Stranded In Fiji After Uber Takes Them To Actual Fiji

“The Fiji party was supposed to be 1920’s prohibition era themed so I was a little confused by all the sand”

Chapman Gym to Install Insecurity Stalls
Chapman Gym to Install Insecurity Stalls

Finally, the voice inside your head (that your therapist tells you not to listen to) has been heard!

Editors’ Letters

Featured
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk.
From the Editor's Desk.
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
A Final Editorette's Letter
A Final Editorette's Letter
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk
Editor's Letter
Editor's Letter
MiaZ6bEf_400x400.jpg
Editorette's Letter
MiaZ6bEf_400x400.jpg
Editor's Letter
Editor's Letter
Editor's Letter
Editor's Letter
Editor's Letter
Interterm Issue Editor's Letter
Interterm Issue Editor's Letter
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Editors Letter
LETTER FROM THE EDITORS
LETTER FROM THE EDITORS
Featured
Senior with Self-Designed Major Totally Fucked For Real World
Senior with Self-Designed Major Totally Fucked For Real World

Just found out Chapman is nothing like the real world… what the fuck

Do Boys Masturbate?: Musings on Male Sexuality
Do Boys Masturbate?: Musings on Male Sexuality

they dont… right? someone please let me know

Sophomore White Woman Attempts to Speak Spanish on 2am Albertacos Run
Sophomore White Woman Attempts to Speak Spanish on 2am Albertacos Run

Stop making your DD take you to Albertacos

Oops! Struppa Accidentally Refers to Self as “Principal Doody Head”
Oops! Struppa Accidentally Refers to Self as “Principal Doody Head”

Principal Doody-head fr

A Message to My POC Panthers
A Message to My POC Panthers

LEAVE. This place is a trap.

From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk

Snitches get Skwunked.

Heartwarming: Chapman Football Star Dates Lame Nerd Chick
Heartwarming: Chapman Football Star Dates Lame Nerd Chick

Well isn’t that the kind of story that warms your heart, star Panther quarterback Doug Tatum has begun dating some lame nerd chick named Lisa or something fuckin weird like that.

Chap-Chella: A Festival for the Sad and Poor
Chap-Chella: A Festival for the Sad and Poor

the best place to find molly is in the second floor bathroom of smith hall

THOU SEEKETH THY SOUL! AND BREASTS!
THOU SEEKETH THY SOUL! AND BREASTS!

HARK!

An Email Template for Missing Class
An Email Template for Missing Class

your professor will never see it coming Xoxo

INSTAGRAM

View fullsize guys i just got the cranberry juice from the caf honestly it helps so much
View fullsize Happy O-week!! Make sure you RSVP for the healthy panther anal sex demo!! chapman.edu/getfucked
View fullsize happy fall 2022 panthers😘 applications now open for cartoonists, web designers, graphic designers, and staff writers. virgins and freaks must apply. losers don’t even bother. LINK IN BIO‼️‼️ APPLICATIONS CLOSE SEPTEMBER 16
View fullsize celebrating pride month by putting our queer writers to work and letting the straight ones relax. 🫡🏳️‍🌈
View fullsize we present to you…our all senior and end of year issue…HAGS and goodbye/ily from all of our seniors - hot girl editorette signing off 💋
View fullsize Our graphic designer was put through hell and back trying to format this one
View fullsize our unofficial annual women’s history month issue…last day ladies, live it up 💋😍
View fullsize Guess everything is completely fine!
View fullsize ANNUAL FEBRUARY PINK SEXY HOT ISSUE ALERT XOXO!! 💓🚨💘👠💝💋💖
View fullsize what’s sexier than….MUTUAL AID!! donate to The People’s Coalition by venmoing us @chapmankumquat with ur insta, ur chosen incentive, and the insta of ur valentine. WE WILL BE SENDING/POSTING ALL VALENTINES ON FEB 14th (monday lol)
View fullsize bad news: interterm issue is only online due to om*cron this month. good news: our application for spring 2022 is OPEN link in our bio ‼️
View fullsize we’re dedicated to you hitting a slay this recruitment season…good luck tomorrow girlies 😘 trust the process and all that ish🤪😌

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