Well isn’t that the kind of story that warms your heart, star Panther quarterback Doug Tatum has begun dating some lame nerd chick named Lisa or something fuckin weird like that. Despite constantly getting it on with the baddest chicks on campus, Doug has taken a liking to the quiet girl who sits in the back of the class, Lisa, even though she, like, watches anime and shit like that. Lisa, the girl with the big thick horn-rimmed glasses who always carries a calculator. Lisa, the girl who can spell real good. Doug and Lisa are reportedly “totally healthy!” As if! It can’t be healthy that a total jock like Doug is bumping uglies with a certified mathlete dweeb like Lisa. An anonymous friend of Doug’s told the Kumquat that “Last Thursday, he invited her to the D, but she stayed home to have a quiet night in and read? What the fuck?” When reached for comment Doug said “I happen to respect Lisa having different interests than me. You fail to consider that if you weren’t so shallow, you could actually meet someone who could expand your horizons and make you a more interesting person as Lisa does me, but unfortunately you people are small, and petty, and so quick to tear down anybody who’s even a little bit different”. But Doug, YOU fail to consider she’s a major DORK-O-ZOID!!!
Featured
