Alright, I’d like to get one thing straight right off the bat. Despite the rumors, I, Skwunk, do not have any association with George Santos, nor do I look like, sound like, or am George Santos. Now that that’s cleared up and out of the way, let’s get right into the Dear Skwunk question for this month:
@majorbaggage asks: Dear Skwunk, tote bag vs. backpack for the new year?
I have to be honest and say that I think you’re asking the wrong question here. Tote bags and backpacks are OUT. OUT and LAME. The new tote is “just a garbage bag”. Hefty brand, preferably. I also think it’d be smart to invest in a roller backpack before Bella Hadid gets papped rolling one around in her underwear and mini Uggs. I’d also urge you to consider why you’re even asking this. Are you having to carry a lot these days? Maybe get checked for scoliosis. I was recently diagnosed with “Skwunk-iosis”, which is where my spine actually is made of a non-newtonian fluid, similar to your common slime or Oobleck. Doctors are working on a solution, but if you don’t hear from me, just know it’s probably spread.
LYLAS (Love you like a Skwunk!)
