The Kumquat’s own investigative journalists were notified by sources that Sophomore, Bethany Smitt, was seen struggling to speak Spanish while drunk at Albertacos at 2 a.m. Saturday morning. Smitt apparently said “Hola, mi favorida comida es tacos” and tried to talk about her last family vacation using the preterite while conversing with the unamused cashier who proceeded to ask her what she wanted to order in English. She then asked for a translator, reportedly claiming that it was her use of the vosotros that made her Spanish too advanced to understand.
“I’m in 102 right now and I think I’m really starting to sound like a native speaker,”said Smitt, when we interviewed her. “I got a C on my last test, but that’s just because it didn’t have a speaking component. When I speak, people, like, can’t believe that I’m full white.”. Bethany then tried to roll her R’s at us as a demonstration of her skills, but it just ended with spit flying everywhere. “It was hard to watch,” says Bethany’s friend Jess, one of those people Bethany goes out with on the weekends but isn’t like, a friend. According to Jess, she’ll push for the girls to head to Cane’s after a night out but if the cashier is brown and Bethany’s had enough tequila, we’ll all still be in for a treat.
