After watching reruns of American Ninja Warrior all week, Dean Jerry Price put on his best New Balance sneakers in hopes of landing the sickest backflip ever at graduation. “It’s going to be SO EPIC. It'll probably be on the news.” wrote Price in his email newsletter.
Unfortunately, the cruel hands of fate had different plans. Just as Jerry Price planted his feet and muttered a quote from The Blind Side (listed under “pump up movies” on Price’s Letterboxd), a big plane broke the sound barrier. The whole crowd peered upwards, missing Price’s really cool backflip entirely. Witnesses report hearing phrases like “wow that’s a loud plane” and “yeah we’re right by John Wayne (SNA)”. Having planned this backflip in lieu of his commencement speech, Jerry Price approached the microphone drenched in sweat, and panted: “Good luck. Fight on… err… Paws up”.
The Kumquat chooses to believe Price landed the backflip (we’ve seen him doing parkour in the Piazza fountain). One user on Twitter agreed. “Woah! Jerry Price is the coolest guy ever! We should increase his salary so he can afford acrobatics camp this summer!”@Official_Jerry_Price.
