New “eco-friendly” landscaping is here, and let me just say: it sucks! As an Instagram-based climate activist, I’m all about saving the turtles, just not when it’s this fucking ugly. Where’s the cottage core ivy or the zen bamboo stalks? This is Chapman University, home of the 52nd best business school in the country, not an old folk’s home in Tucson!
Sure, kids in 20 years might think polar bears are mythical creatures, but I ask you this: when will it end? When the trees turn to shrubs and the fountains fill with gravel? When Memorial Lawn becomes Memorial Concrete Slab?
Besides, when all the radiation from the phone constantly 3 inches from my balls catches up to me, I’ll be lucky to make it to 2050. And shit won’t get REALLY bad until after that.
I say it’s time to take a stand and fight for what really matters: the way things look. Because when the moths of extinction lay waste to our brains and it all disappears, what difference will a little extra water really make?
