Picture this: hundreds of sweaty college students packed into Memorial Landfill like bacteria in a petri dish. Bodies like ice cream, hairless and feeble, melt in the blistering heat. The sound of the nuclear alarm cues them into motion. Slowly, they chug their way from the statue of former President Pete Buttigieg to Harry Raftus Hall. Except for the oxygen mask suctioned to their jowls and the Meta headset implanted into their temples– they are completely naked. This is the Undie Run in 2050. But how did we get here?
It all started with the installation of the pick-up window at the campus Starbucks. The heightened sales resulted in the increased dissemination of BPA plastics into the broader Chapman community. These BPA plastics turned typically extremely masculine and freethinking Chapman students into smooth, beta-like consumers. Coomers, if you will. Then, after global temperatures supposedly tripled due to “climate change” in 2045, (the jury’s still out on that), the woke mob outlawed ALL CLOTHES.
So, Chapman University students of 2023, instead of undie run, why not try Fully Clothed Run? Enjoy your dignity while you can.
