Chap-Chella: A Festival for the Sad and Poor

Yas!!!!! Coachella season is upon us, and for the poors who have been watching from the sidelines, never fear, administration is here and putting on an even better, even crazier event. Introducing: Chap-chella. Dress code is specifically things that would make your Mom say, “Are you sure you want to wear that out?”. The venue will have limited space, due to the fact that the only room available on such short notice was a classroom in the Hashinger basement, but that’s what makes it so awesome. Exclusivity. Headlining are The Chaptones, one of those sophomore girls that sings on TikTok (idk which one), and Kanye!!!! Vendors include a singular table with Sodexo cookies, lemonade, and water. There will also be security detail (that one lady Psafe officer), and she said as long as the drugs aren’t meth, she’s fine with it. Remember that $70 Activity Fee we all have to pay, well it’s not going towards this. Buy your tickets ($300) now, you little freaks!!!!!!!