We know you usually read our little publication for jokes about Struppa and sorority girls. We agree that given our track record we’re probably not qualified to influence your vote. And yet here we are...influencing your vote. For once, we are being serious: Please vote. And by that we mean vote for Joe Biden. As we hope you’ve noticed, we are NOT about that non-partisan bullshit over here at The Kumquat. We don’t really like Joe that much either, but given the extreme rate at which our country is deteriorating, we’re afraid of what another four years of tr*mp could look like.
If we find out you didn’t vote, boom, we will never hook up with you and we’re really hot and a little slutty so that’s a HUGE loss for you. Imagine never being able to tell your friends you hooked up with the absolute 10s that write for The Kumquat all because you fucked up like that. What else could possibly make you want to vote for Biden? Oh yeah, just basic human rights for people of color, immigrants, women, LGBTQ+ people, those who need healthcare, etc. Let’s do our best to make sure the world doesn’t burn so we can have kids who will someday go to therapy because of us.
Xoxo,
The Kumquat
