nothing to see here! o_o
Read MoreUndie Run in the Woke Age
This is the Undie Run in 2050.
Read MoreChapman Republicans Holiday Debate Topic Submission: Why Michelle Obama is Actually Just a Life-Size Cake.
Is Michelle Obama a human or is she made of cake?
Read MoreOrange Liquor Store Cashier Has ‘Something Special For You in the Back’— Turns Out It’s Lost Kingdom of Agartha
This past Friday, I entered Orange Liquor with the usual goal in mind: buy a pack of raspberry Smirnoff Ices for a little pregame with my girls.
Read MoreChapman Wonders Why You All Expected Dorm Pool by Labor Day, After Saying it Would be Done by Labor Day.
So that’s why the meathead next to me in Econ 202 was wearing a speedo in class…
Read MoreJOHN EASTMAN ARRESTED: Requests competent lawyer, NOT a former student of his
Here’s Johnny!
Read MoreNew Marquee Blows Up Power Grid
Have they tried turning it off and on again?
Read MoreBluestone Lane is for the Boys
Bluestone Lane and bitches
Read MoreChapman Gym to Install Insecurity Stalls
Finally, the voice inside your head (that your therapist tells you not to listen to) has been heard!
Read MoreDodge Unveils Star for Alumni Who’s in “That One Show”
“We are thrilled to unveil a fourth star on our prestigious Walk of Fame for Janet, who plays girl number 3 in the new season of that one show about college kids!”
Read MoreHARROWING: RA gets Insane P*ssy
RA’s get one universal key and think they’re god or something
Read MoreUpdated Chapman Budget Allocates Funds for Additional Dean
All Hail Dean Baniele Buppa !!!!!!!!!
Read MoreSo-Called "Communist" Seen at New Chipotle
Don’t be fooled by Chloe Stricker’s pin that claims we have “nothing to lose but our chains”, as they were recently spotted at the worst chain of all: popular fast-casual “Mexican” (racist) restaurant conglomerate Chipotle, an anonymous source tells the Kumquat.
Read MoreRA’s Now Authorized to Use “Lethal Force”
THE RA’S HAVE GUNS NOW MOTHER FUCKERS
Read MoreDo Boys Masturbate?: Musings on Male Sexuality
they dont… right? someone please let me know
Read MoreNew “Trickle Down” Panther Buck System a Smashing Success
It’s only been two weeks since the brilliant new system–which rewards those with better grades more Panther Bucks and Caf swipes–was put into motion.
Read MoreUgly Public Breakup Making it Really Hard to Study For Midterms
On the third floor of Leatherby Libraries, things got messy in an argument between couple Michael Bradley and Lia Jones.
Read MoreOpen Letter From the Street
A PSA from the Streets: FUCK NON-WALKABLE CITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Read MoreBREAKING: Tuition to be Completely Refunded
You fucking idiot. You really thought?
Read MorePete the Panther Quarantining at Home in the Fucking JUNGLE
While many panthers struggle to adjust to quarantining at home, one notable Chapman figure lacks sympathy for students.
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