Sophomore Ian Isaacs is going to...Ethpaña!
Read MorePike Girl Pees in the Pool at Dayger
On Saturday, Pi Kappa Alpha, also known as “the scary frat,” hosted their Annual Veteran’s Day pool party.
Read MoreGirl Thinks Kumquat Article Is About Her
Emma was just trying to have a Happy Halloween, but after she was brutally name dropped in last month’s Kumquat issue, that became impossible.
Read MoreStudy Lounge Dominated By Freshman Friend Group
This past month, as Pralle residents searched for a midterm study space, they were impeded time and time again by a terrifying phenomenon: the twelve-person freshman friend group.
Read MoreFriend Group Desperately Trying to Exclude Nicole From the Group Costume
The Fabulous Five have been inseparable since they all met at Club Galaxy. This year, they’ve decided to attend the Friday night pregame, party, afterparty, after after party, and the post-game.
Read MoreFreshman unsure if other students will be trick-or-treating
Thirteenth Grader Eric Carts bought one of those pumpkin candy collecting buckets from the Target Dollar Section, but is also totally cool with not using it if that’s not the vibe.
Read MoreStruppa's Slutty Halloween Costumes!
So you can dress him up all pretty and stuff
Read MoreBreaking: The Complete Stranger You Hooked Up With Last Night Is Somehow In Two Of Your Classes
Sophomore Connor Hewitt didn’t ask for much. He just wanted to go to a mid-size school. He also just wanted to make out with a girl and then never see her again.
Read MoreChapman Grand Residents Struggle to Maintain Long-Distance Relationships
Living 3.7 miles from campus can be rough, especially when your bae lives in The K.
Read MoreWANTED: Part Time Shredder for Totally Rad Skate Crew
Freshmen skate crew “The Wheely Wheely Good Skaters” is on the grind for an additional grimey grom to fill in for our boy, Dylan.
Read MoreChapman Frats Adapt to New Hazing Regulations
The Hashinger Basement Cucumber incident last year sparked a national conversation about fraternity hazing, and Chapman has been forced to tighten their regulations.
Read MoreWhite supremacist receives backlash for having candle in dorm
Chapman-approved wall adhesive and sticky tack were nowhere to be found in Kramer’s dorm, despite numerous confederate flags hung up on his walls.
Read MoreWho is George Bush? And why is he so hot?
This guy absolutely fucks. He has salt and pepper hair and lips that yearn to be kissed. He has this dangerous look in his eyes that scream “I sent people to Iraq.”
Read MoreOpinion: Juul No Longer Cuul
Word is out that taking 40 rips from a flavored e-cigarette might just be unhealthy.
Read MoreHoly Shit, This Dope Ass Professor Lets You Use His First Name
After rolling up his sleeves, Alan (as the students can now call him) told the class that he sometimes likes to joke around with his students, but all in good fun.
Read MoreWhite Women Rejoice As Blue Bowl Adds Parking Spaces
Put down the protein supplements, get the fuck off those ellipticals — your favorite excuse to eat basically ice cream is back and more accessible than ever.
Read MoreSophomore Excited to be Super Condescending this Semester
Rising sophomore Aaron Carney is reportedly “very excited” to be condescending as fuck to his freshman friends this semester.
Read MoreJerry Price's Hot Girl Summer
When Dean Jerry Price took a “We’ll Tell You if You’re Having a Hot Girl Summer” Buzzfeed quiz - the results were conclusive.
Read MoreIn Memoriam: Henley Basement
There’s a lot of excitement at the beginning of the year, but we here at The Kumquat think it is equally important to reflect and mourn what we’ve lost.
Read MoreHeartbreaking: P-Safe Hinson Just Ran Out of Panther Bucks
Today is a somber day for Panthers both here and abroad.
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