On Saturday, Pi Kappa Alpha, also known as “the scary frat,” hosted their Annual Veteran’s Day pool party. PNM’s flocked to the dayger to put one foot in the water and awkwardly half-bounce to Kanye West’s gospel album. Our sources have informed us that Pike has banned Bridget Hanley, a sophomore SCC major, after she unleashed the white claw she had been holding in her bladder.
Hanley’s best friend told The Kumquat, “Her pee came out orange because of this UTI she got from a Fiji last week. She was supposed to fuck Brooks that afternoon and go to semi with Thad. Her future is basically ruined.”
Hanley’s statement, written on her notes app and posted on her Instagram story, read: “I’m ashamed. I’d like to apologize to Pi Kappa Alpha and especially the residents of Green Monster. I made a mistake, and am willing to give my sorority composite to any Pike to express my remorse.” We reached out to members of Pike, but they don’t know how to speak or write and were unable to comment on Hanley’s future as a Pike girl.
