Rising sophomore Aaron Carney is reportedly “very excited” to be condescending as fuck to his freshman friends this semester. Carney, less than 12 months removed from crying because he couldn’t find Beckman, is now an orientation leader for PR & Ad students. He is all set to flex very basic campus knowledge way too hard. Sources close to Carney say to “let him know if you need help finding anything” and that he “knows it can be scary making your way around”. Witnesses claim that they saw Carney, 19, tell freshman Tom Sallurs, also 19, that he’ll try to get Sallurs into his friend’s parties but he doesn’t know if someone as young as Sallurs can get in. When asked how to use panther bucks by one of the students in his orientation group, Carney was quoted saying that his apartment “actually has a kitchen” and he “doesn’t need a meal plan”. Carney was last seen in the Beckman Starbucks telling freshmen to “enjoy the short line while it lasts.”
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