Class of 2020 let me hear you mute those motherf*ckin mics! Resident Kumquat Senior NiceGirl666 here and I’m not gonna lie, bros, this shit blows d*ck. In a bad way. This was supposed to be OUR year. The one where we got to do some cool ass prank that cements our class’ place in Chapman history, like a pigeon shit covered bust near the library. Listen, we had some amazing years together. We survived Playfair, we survived cilantro lime chicken and we will survive this stinky pandemic. We’ll remember it all, the undie run blackouts, the ROAR of the crowd at a legendary lacrosse game and, especially, Paul’s Piazza Pasta Party hosted by Marybelle and S.Paul Musco in the Fahmy Attallah, Ph.D. Piazza.
I want to be positive, but I can’t. Not when we’re unable to culminate our years of course evaluations with a GODDAMN SENIOR PRANK. Therefore, I propose we stick to our ORIGINAL plan. The one we ALL agreed on. That’s right, Chapman Class of 2020 is going to hold in their pee. I know, iconic. Then, right before the Duffer Bros conclude their Stranger Things fanfic of a commencement speech, we let it loose, absolutely pissing our stoles. I’m talkin’ newborn puppy meets Austin Powers fresh out of a coma asparagus pee vibes.
Class of 2020, I love you. We are epic. We are pranksters. We are damaging our kidneys. We are Chapman.
