After over admitting hordes of anxious, tryhard freshmen, Chapman waitlists are at an all time high. As students claw and seethe for a chance at taking Spanish 102, provost Sally “Deathblow” Shredder has put forth a brilliant new initiative.
“Lets have them fight to the death,” says Deathblow, “if they want the seat that bad, lets see them hold their own in a Mad Max style free-for-all. Spot goes to the last one standing.”
This brutal battle royale will be held in the newly renovated “Wilkinson Blood-dome,” an elaborate arena complete with spike pits, supply drops, and weaponized Keck robot dogs. And while the new bloodsport is optional, hundreds of underclassmen are already slated to compete.
“I just think taking French 201 early is worth the risk,” says freshman soccer player Cindy McDevitt, “it will be good for my four year plan, and I think my priority registration gives me access to a flamethrower.”
