This June, in order to accommodate President Dr. Daniele Struppa’s new favorite sexuality, Chapman has announced a new Study-A-Broad program to begin for the Fall 2023 semester. Dr. Struppa spoke about the development of this new program. “I was feeling a little extra prideful upon discovering the existence of lesbians after watching Portrait of a Lady on Fire for the very first time,” he said. “After spending a couple minutes aimlessly walking through the empty summer campus, I couldn’t seem to find a single lesbian, and that just broke my little panther heart.” Chapman is now collaborating with famous gay university, UC Santa Cruz for the program. Each UCSC lesbian attending Chapman will receive free room and board at the exquisite Panther Village, as well as a hefty allowance of 350 panther bucks. However, if the UCSC lesbian is without a Chapman girlfriend by the end of the semester program, they will be banished to Dinosaur Labs™, where they will be forced to scrape away at the dust on the bottom of Dr. Struppa’s custom leather shoes for eternity.
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