The Uber Drivers of Orange County sent us this list and offered us 10% off our next ride to publish. We don’t agree with a lot of it, but here’s to selling out!
1: I see that fifth girl you’re trying to sneak into this Honda Civic. Just because she’s sitting on Kassandra’s lap doesn’t mean she’s not there.
2: Don’t ask me about my ethnicity, this should always remain a mystery.
3: Stop trying to ask me what my craziest experience as a driver is while you’re obviously plastered and trying to engage with me so you can feel like less of a disappointment to your out of state parents.
4: I didn’t ask about you living in a building called “The K” because I wanted to hear your entire life story, I asked because it’s a stupid name for a building and I wanted to make sure I was dropping you off at the right place.
5: Check that the party isn’t rolled before you make me drive you to the outskirts of Yorba Linda.
6: Stop talking loudly about the guy that you’re “not going to hook up with” at the party I’m driving you to. We all know you’re going to at least try to make out with him, you’re wearing a push up bra as a shirt.
7: Yak OUTSIDE the car.
8: Do not have sex in the back seat of my car. I have multiple children who sit back there in the daytime.
