It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. For unemployed, booed-up sophomore Allison Thomas, life has never been better. “My interterm class is really interesting,” she said. “We microdose shrooms, then watch a Gaspar Noè film until the men in my class apologize for it. It’s called Experimental Empathy 137 and I’m taking it as an elective.” she explains.
On the flip side, students fulfilling their GE credits seem to be one 8 AM no-break-daily-essay three-hour class away from buying a dab pen and doing something irreversible. Laura Kim ‘23, shared their experience in Spanish 201. “Don’t wait until senior year to do your language requirement guys,” they said. “Learn from my mistake or just drop out now.”
The grass is always greener, Panthers. For those with no bitches, working a horrible minimum wage job, and Chegging their way through that damn Quantitative Inquiry GE, life could still be worse—some people spent all of January in their childhood home and their fucking bitch mom* keeps telling them to do their laundry even though they were literally just about to do it.
*Mom if you’re reading this, it’s about someone else
