Unfortunately for Señora Hendriks’ Spanish 102 class, The New York Times recently released an article on how to engage zillennial students in class. But because Chapman tuition supplies Capitol-from-the-Hunger-Games-level indulgences and not professors’ salaries, the pay-wall was up before Señora Hendriks could read any advice other than “Assign your students a video project”.
Fatalities across the (discussion) board occurred in rapid succession, mass panic ensuing as students raced the clock at 11:46 PM to bastardize the Spanish language. “I was scared,” reports Ella Wetzler ‘25, a roommate to one of the hapless students. “I woke up to Bri in the corner of the room, mumbling to her laptop with this crazed look in her eye and singing this Spanish nursery rhyme with the most horrific grammar I’ve ever heard.” Bri miraculously survived this encounter, unlike her fellow classmates, whose autopsy reveals that they “died from embarrassment”. She, along with 12 other students, are in critical condition and receiving care at the Chapman Student Health Center, where they are being given a complimentary sucker and treated with swabs.
