The November election may have sparked some hope with the end of a selfish, hateful Presidency, but it also put some selfish, hateful people out of work. Daniele Struppa announced the new faculty last week on a Microsoft Teams town hall some are calling, “really intense.” The new additions to Chapman faculty come at no surprise to the student body as law Professor John Eastman still works here.
Kellyann will be teaching an SCC course on deceit, public speaking and how to look like an undercover witch while Hope Hicks takes over supervising all hot girl events (first and foremost Sorority Recruitment). Pence is spearheading a one man initiative to remove Brokeback Mountain from the film aesthetics curriculum and Jared Kushner will be assisting him. Trump himself has accepted the position of Virtual Golf Daddy and mentor to the Chapman Republicans (studies show the chap pubs have all jizzed their little jeans since this announcement). The Trump administration had one request prior to joining staff and that accommodation of dissolving the Cross Cultural Center has been met. In preparation, all new faculty have been mailed fanny packs and given their very own Chapman emails to use on all non-Chapman work. Struppa would also like us to note they are all currently on track for tenure.
