This past month, as Pralle residents searched for a midterm study space, they were impeded time and time again by a terrifying phenomenon: the twelve-person freshman friend group. Known as the “Breakfast Bunch,” a riff on The Breakfast Club that barely counts as wordplay, the group hosts inane late-night activities like jam sessions, half-ironic screenings of Marvel movies, and poorly planned birthday parties that last for hours.

“The crazy thing is, no one seemed to be enjoying themselves,” says Fenestra Community Advisor Rebecca Stanton. “They just kept comparing themselves to the friends from Friends and saying every twenty minutes that ‘freshman year is a movie.’” Stanton, who needed the third-floor lounge for her “Majors, Minors, and Macaroons” event, claimed that the group made the lounge inhospitable, as they resisted all attempts at engagement. Conversations would consist exclusively of inside jokes from their precious little group chat and plans for the house they’re all going to live in next year.

However, Stanton assures us, this would not last for long. “I’ve seen it before. The Dodge kid is definitely going to make a move on the blonde girl soon, and the group will dissolve. Come next fall, they won’t even sit next to each other when they find out they’re in the same Sociology class.”