This year, freshman Biochem major Richie Clark is saying “Yes!” to No Nut November. “My balls are the biggest and fullest they’ve ever been,” he said in regards to his sperm-filled testis and veiny, throbbing cock, “I’m going to unload unlike ever before. Just watch.”
Though some have told Clark that he’s “oversharing,” his roommates are fully in favor of the challenge. “This has been really good for the 6 of us with one dorm bathroom. He used to spend 45 minutes in the shower but now it’s gone down to just 3!”
While discussing his “manhood,” Richie Clark shared some vulnerability: “I ran into my past hookup in The Caf and they didn’t even lend me their support. Yeah we haven’t spoken since O-Week, but it’s really opened my eyes to how selfish people can be.”
Upon finishing the interview, Richie Clark and the visibly uncomfortable Kumquat reporter (male) couldn’t ignore the built up sexual tension and homoerotic subtext as a result of discussing his neglected member at length. Clark, with whispery breaths and trembling hands could feel himself almost bursting at the seams. “I don’t think I can do this anymore…do you have 7 minutes? A hole’s a hole.”e
