It’s official: Marion Knott’s new lobby is a hit! Now every Dodge student knows they’re on the fast track to Hollywood. Yup, this school teaches movies. This resounding success has thousands of non-Dodge students asking, “when’s it my turn?”
Well, ask no longer! Every dean at Chapman has announced plans to renovate every lobby on campus to make it clear what subject you’re about to learn. Keck Hall, for instance, will now display an animatronic of a mad scientist pouring liquids into beakers surrounded by 7-foot-tall Tesla coils. Beckman Hall, home of Argyros School of Business and Economics, will exhibit a sculpture of a giant safe whose door will occasionally open and reveal stacks of glistening gold coins. The Leatherby Library, to illustrate that it’s a library, will feature a 10-foot-tall book in its lobby.
Unfortunately, these exciting renovations have drained the annual budget of every department. President Daniele Struppa has therefore made the difficult decision to cease all courses until Fall 2024, effective immediately. All students are to move out of on-campus housing by September 21. Additionally, there will be no graduation ceremonies for the next 5 years.
