Disneyland has been shut down for almost 8 months, and the Disney Bitches are struggling. To have the only reason they chose Chapman taken away is leaving some students, “without a will to live,” said sophomore, animation major, McKayley Higgins, in a crazier tone than we can convey on paper.
Higgins’s’s roommate, Sofia Johnson, is actually, like, really worried about McKayley’s mental health. “She’s been putting on her Mickey ears and just like...staring at herself in the mirror. Her teeth won’t stop chattering and she’s really, weirdly sweaty all the time.”
A few days later, McKayley was arrested for attempting to break into Disney. Apparently, all the teeth-chattering sharpened up her canines, and she was caught trying to chew her way through the gates.
The Kumquat Investigative Team went undercover and infiltrated Disney, only to discover that The Secret Disney Police are holding McKayley and several other trespassers in the Tiki Room. Each day, they get one Dole Whip that they all have to share, and are being monitored by Walt Disney’s frozen head.
Don’t worry though, this might actually be a good thing. The K.I.T’s research shows that 91% of grown adults who love Disney are just people who didn’t get bullied enough growing up. So McKayley, girlie, here is your hardship! Don’t let it go to waste! <3
