The Caf (soon-to-be-renamed the “Randall Bar & Grill”) has begun hiring work-study table waiters in order to provide an “elevated dining experience.” The new employees will carry out various jobs such as fetching food for students, giving soda recommendations, and “doing that thing with the big pepper shaker.” To learn more about the new position, we interviewed Matt Winston as he waited on 34 tables simultaneously.
“At first, I thought it’d be cool for my resume,” said Matt, “but I can’t feel my legs, some freshman just called me ‘garçon’, and my coworker got yelled at for serving the wrong type of sugar cookie. Plus, I only get tipped in Panther Bucks.” Chapman’s board insists that the job opportunity isn’t “exploitive” or “diabolical,” and emphasizes the new sophistication it brings.
“Earning less than minimum wage plus tips is industry standard,” they said in a recent statement, “Waiters are fancy! Don't you guys like to feel fancy?” We tried to ask Matt his thoughts on this statement, but he was so fatigued, we couldn’t understand what he said as he took his dying breath.
