They told me I could write this part because I’m the funniest. Here’s what I have to say. Please stop “thanking us for our service.” We are not the military. Please continue to DM me asking how you a sorority girl with a lightning bolt and butterfly emoji in your bio can end racism. I think if one more person asks, I’ll finally have enough allyship to buy a slap bracelet at the prize counter. I think there is a chance for all of this to end and for us to all the n-word together with our boyfriends in Big Bear. It’s gonna be a beautiful new world. But only if you girlies keep DMing me!!
Please stop tagging us in Chapman Republican posts. Do you know how Instagram works??? I too have eyes to see. Please don’t DM me their posts please, my eyes can only take so much bleach. Speaking of racists, white supremacists that keep popping up in the DMs, does it hurt your whittle fweelings when I leave you on read? Does it make you so mad it makes you wanna call us wiggers? (gotcha) Hmmmm? @tbdguitarguy_02 and @chapman_patriot_conservatives do a face reveal!
In all seriousness, please stop DMing the account. I hate answering messages. Most can simply be a Venmo transaction. I got *57 messages* on February 1st alone. And if you tagged us in your MLK Day post, I hope you drown. Not really, but also kind of.
Okay, I’m leaving. Oh! One more thing: Jerry Price, why’d you unfollow us?
Okay toodles!
