Sure, I haven’t felt the prolonged touch of another human being in 8 months and my roommate continues to not take my offer to hook up seriously, but I really think what me and Richard (I have no idea what his name is) have is real.
It all started two months ago when he said “Good to see you!” That could just be a good neutral greeting, or it could mean he wants to fuck my brains out. The next week, things really started to heat up. He told me the Pink Lady Apples were in season and I came so hard. When he “let me in on a little secret” about which size Pluot to get, I was a broken fire hydrant. At checkout, I said “see you next week!” and he said “I’ll be here!”
But, 7 days later, he wasn’t. I was devastated. I thought we had something real. At nights, I sipped sauvignon blanc and thought about being held by his nice forearms. I dreamt of running away together, starting a fruit stand in Southern Italy, adopting a son, naming him Giuseppe, getting a house on the coast and feeding each other grapes until we’re old and gray? Do I mean nothing to him? Does Giuseppe mean nothing to him?
But, the next week, he was back and everything was right in the world. He greeted me with smiling eyes and he told me that the clementines were getting softer every week. My nipples were getting harder by the minute. I’m just glad he and I are back to normal. I hope my favorite Trader Joe’s cashier, Michael (he has a name tag), doesn’t get jealous though.
