That’s right, you heard the girlies. Not even a global pandemic could slow down the ladies of Gamma Phi Beta, who are still committed to hosting you all, shitfaced in Memorial, just to watch a bunch of frat boys try to break dance in the name of charity.
When we asked junior Ciara Grant what philanthropy they were fundraising for, she simply answered, “umm...something about girls? And like running? Or wait, maybe like education? Girls running from school.”. It has been confirmed that the name of Gamma Phi’s philanthropy is actually Girls on the Run, which is somehow not about domestic violence and is literally about girls running.
Gphi assured The KQuat that all participants and audience members will be required to wear masks and sit the designated six feet a part, with an exception made only for those who REALLY want to pass a dab pen while p-safe isn’t looking. In this reporter’s humble opinion, the dab pen becomes necessary around the third time a white girl tries to lip sync to a Beyonce song. When we asked Chapman Greek Life how this event was green lit amidst COVID sanctions, we received a handful of Airbands tickets and a note that read “please stop writing articles about us”.
