Earlier this month, a poll was sent out asking the Chapman students to vote on Pete the Panther’s new look. It was tough for many to decide between the two options offered; Proud Pete and Playful Pete. The only tangible difference between them being that one had pants and the other didn’t. Obviously, the correct choice was the one without pants because… duh. 

But, it feels like Pete could be so much more than just, “Playful” or “Proud”? Helloooo!!!! Don’t know if you forgot but It is STILL Women’s History Month, people! Where is the lady Pete? Our Petra, or Petunia, or Pete-ette even. And if there was a Lady Pete, she and Pete would OBVI fuck, but woopsies!!!! Suddenly she’s PREGNANT with a Pete-us and in 9 months, there’s a whole Pete family and then people can call him Papa Pete?!!!!! 

The only problem with the whole Pete, Pete-ette, and Pete Jr. thing would be, you know… finding an infant, finding someone who would make an infant-sized mascot costume, evading child labor laws… etcetera. But hey, if the Shein girls can do it, anyone can! And in the off chance that the family of Petes doesn’t work out, the student body could always just petition for Piss-Kink Pete. Meeeee-oooowwww!!!!!!