You better hide yo kids, hide yo wife, because Pete the Panther is outraged over the lack of ethnic names for Panther statues. “If these silly muthafuckas think Harriet and Shanna are good enough, they’re wrong. Deadass,” stated Pete the Panther steppin’ out the house in his black leather jacket and beret. When asked why he so heated, Pete said, “Maannnn, if you have to ask me that, then you must not be payin’ attention, on God.” And he’s right. We have not been payin’ attention.
Pete’s push for name diversity has attracted supporters and what he calls “a bunch of haters.” BSU president, Treymayne Washington, stated in a press conference, “We claim him. But lowkey, Ion think that man black.” Member of Chapman Republicans, Craig DeSantis—no relations—has formally opposed Pete’s position. As he bulldozed the piazza to make way for fracking, he claimed, “The statues are already black! You can’t get any more ethnic than that.” But Pete remains strong, holding his raised fist high and chanting “The revolution will not be televised.”
