After spending a long five months at home with their families, dab pens and the soul-crushing, double-whammy shame that is quarantine hometown Tinder, students are relieved to finally be back in Orange. Unfortunately, this journalist is bummed to report that a positive Covid Test is really bringing down the vibes at my party. Despite following CDC guidelines that “if anyone has COVID pls don’t come <3” and only hooking up with people who seemed like they had been social distancing, my party was nonetheless in jeopardy. When asked for comment, my roommate Connor said “We were very clear to our guests. You can spread any STI you want, but DJP is gonna be balls-deep in our case if one of you brings COVID. I don’t see how it’s our fault that our guests didn’t listen”. It’s an interesting point. Perhaps the University will listen. In the meantime, residents of my house can at least take comfort in the fact that we’re not really that bad because we wear masks to the grocery store.
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