It’s FAFSA time baby. Long believed to stand for Free Application for Federal Student Aid, the acronym for FAFSA actually stands for Fuck Ass Fuck Shit Ass. As students begin to fill out the application, FAFSA is preparing for the increase in technical difficulties and questions by laying off all but one of their employees, Lenny, who will work from 9:02 p.m. to 9:14 p.m. on the second Tuesday of every other month.
For Chapman students, the application is likely to lead to an increase in stress dreams about being fucked by anthropomorphic subsidized loans, manic-rip-apart your home searches for your stupid social security card, and tasteful instrumentals while Lenny puts you on hold.
A poll conducted by The Kumquat found that of the 7,821 Chapman students, only 43 students actually meet the financial requirements of the FAFSA, and of those 43, 41 of them said their Mom filled it out for them. So, let this article be a reminder to us Panthers to fill out the FAFSA and lie about our family's net income as we prepare for the spring semester.
