Wazzup sexy freaks?! The horniest event of the year is right around the corner and it’s come to our attention that basically half of the student population has yet to experience the metaphorical raw dogging that is Undie Run. Some people like to call me the Yohann Diniz of Undie Running (look it up), soooo, I thought I’d take it upon myself to let you fuckweasels know how it's done. 

Firstly, the dress code. Unless you want everyone to call you a big fat baby bitch, you MUST wear your tightest, sexiest, overall sluttiest undies. Had to learn it the hard way, but really man, tighty-whities are NOT the way to go. Secondly, make sure that you drink the perfect amount so that you stay warm, but not so much that… well... an accident could occur. A very embarrassing accident. One that might involve stains. Another hot tip from this undie aficionado: do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT eat or drink any dairy in the 24 hours leading up to the event. Especially if you are lactose intolerant. Gotta keep that tum-tum in line, my guy. And finally, this year I’m planning on taking some precautionary measures to make sure something like what happened to me Freshman year never happens again, so if any of you guys know how to make a diaper like... cool? Or like a brand of diaper that is easily hidden underneath my very tight, very sexy underpants? Let me know.