Dear Kumquat,
Lately I’ve noticed that everyone in my friend group has been getting closer while I still feel a bit left out. Last night, Emily and Josh hooked up in the third floor lounge, Madison and Matt made out at a wrap party, and Eli and John got handsy at the pregame. I just feel left out at this point, like I know that I am a strong independent woman, but also I still want to have a relationship with one of my friends where we flirt publically and make everyone uncomfortable. Is this too much to ask for? What about me screams “don’t have sex with me”. With Undie Run coming up, I just want to make sure that I have options on what person I want to have a very awkward second semester with.
Sincerely,
Am I Too Hot or Not Hot Enough
Dear Am I Too Hot or Not Hot Enough,
I’ve never seen you but I firmly believe you are hot enough. There comes a time in every friendship where one of the two parties says, “Wait, should we fuck?” , and the other says either “I guess” or does not reply to your texts for a solid two weeks. So your next step is to take that leap of faith! One sure fire way to convey these feelings to your friends is by using “I” statements. For example: “I feel like my tits look really good in in this shirt today and you should all at least take a glance.”, or “I feel like you should all know I got tested last week and I am good to go.”. You could even play it cool by retweeting a bunch of content from those weird soft core porn twitter accounts to let everyone know that you’re down. Or if you’re feeling bold, just flash them and see what happens. Remember: It’s not a felony if you really care. Just know, we’ve all been you and we’re all rooting for you. And if you haven’t been this person, ok we get it you’re cool and hot and probably have a great personality or something I don’t fucking care.
Best,
The Kumquat
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