I need to get this off my chest. I fucking. Hate. Philz. Cannot stand the guy. Every day, outside my window, I watch you tote-bag freaks flock towards him- and for what?! The atmosphere? You know what I have? Pies. Fucking pies. 

Everyone just bullies the Pie Hole. Yes, I know there isn’t a hole in most pies. And no, I don’t have a special hole for you. Stop asking. But please. Please come here. Seriously. I don’t even know how I’m still in business. My pie does not taste bad, I don’t know where you heard that.

I am a STAPLE of the community. There IS no Orange Circle without the Pie Hole. Philz didn’t even EXIST like a year ago. It's about time you all respect me. Whatever you do, do NOT get the Shepherd's Pie. The Earl Gray Tea pie is alright though.