Bruxie, the iconic chicken and waffle chain, has seen a surge of demand with Chapman students in recent years, despite an equally steep climb in prices. As of yesterday morning, a basket of “kickin’ chicken” will cost you $25. When approached for comment, Bruxie’s owner, Pablo Escobar, stated that the shift in prices was a reflection of their new recipe, specifically citing a change in the “salt” they use.
Students don’t seem to be minding the ambiguity, however, with lines routinely piling up into the street. Junior Julia Wilson says, “It just gives me the energy I need! I just feel super ready and energized and like really, really excited!” She then proceeded to make a loud, high-pitched baboon-like squeal. “I’m like totally addicted! But I’m not. I’m not addicted. I don’t have a problem, you do! I can stop anytime I want!”
For many though, the insatiable need for chicken has come with some unsavory costs. Several sources have told The Kumquat that the Student Financial Aid Office has seen a dramatic increase in restructured loans; with many of those allowing for funds to be taken out immediately. When approached by reporters about these drastic changes, several students at the Financial Aid Office were reported as screaming in an offbeat warlike chant of the Greek alphabet. It was also reported that many of those students seemed to be suffering severe nosebleeds.
But amongst all this hysteria, one demographic has thus far appeared immune to the financial and physical consequences of Bruxie’s new “salt”: Business majors. Senior Chaz Koch says, “Doesn’t seem any different.” The Kumquat will update this story as it develops.
