The Kumquat’s Guide to Sex

SAFE

Condoms are in short supply. The CDC has asked that you sew your own.

Cyber-sex is in! Meet your partner in your Igloo, or at the Dojo!

Stay six feet apart. If you don’t have the length... that’s on you my guy.

The only true form of safe sex, as we’re all aware, is ass play.

BUT, for some of us, no sex is an option. Fire off a horny tweet, admire the curves on your favorite wine glass, and call it a night. 

DANGEROUS (HOT)

Simultaneous kickflips off the DMAC parking garage, but you’re inside each other the 

whole time. 

Chainsaws (No mask)

Okay so it’s like the kiss from the Tobey MacGuire Spiderman but you’re eating butt instead. 

Rollerblades (No helmet)

Fuck with your puffle watching XD

Are you familiar with the phrase “bomb coochie”?