4th best film school? Not for long! In an embarrassing turn of events, nobody turned up to this Monday’s masterclass featuring Hollywood mega-producer Jeremy Thomas. The sad truth is, despite having admirable credits, he simply isn’t famous enough to draw in the crowds Dodge needs to remain as prestigious as it is!

The rest of the masterclasses look dismal too, especially the unfortunate inclusion of Dodge alum Justin Simien. His loss of celebrity status after Haunted Mansion means a lack of Hollywood mystique, therefore an absence of attendees, therefore therefore a lack of prestige for the school. Kumquat analysts predict a 300% drop in average masterclass attendance thanks to Simien and for Dodge to sit so low among film schools that they won’t even be eligible for the ranking.

But hope is not lost! If cinematographer Lawrence Sher can get famous before his masterclass, he might just rake in enough prestige to save the school. A word to the higher-ups at Dodge: don’t let such a close call happen ever again.