Our researchers at Crean College are only the “world’s top 2% of scientists” according to The Hollywood Reporter. But this year, they’re aiming for the very top, culminating in their controversially cunty decision to bring back the Lobotomy!
To encourage students to get the yassifying frontal lobe-removing procedure, Chapman is offering free Qdoba for a semester, which enticed Junior Econ major Bradley Bradbro, who does not even know where his stove is.
“My life has never been the same,” says Bradley, after being their very first participant. Astonishingly, the lobotomy sliced right through the part of his brain Crean researchers referred to as the “douchebag section”, resulting in Bradley making a lot of new discoveries. “I finally get it now!” he exclaimed. “Women are people!”
Bradley has now made a viral TikTok page, exploring his new women-friendly brain, and has asked the community to, “Drop a follow plz, @BradBroBadBrainNoMo.” And feel free to join his weekly accountability meetings, where he will be calling every woman he’s ever talked to and personally apologizing to them, Monday evenings in Crean 102. He made that lobotomy work, bitch!
