Tom Smith is a little too excited for Undie Run. “I’ve been waiting all year for this,” Smith said in an interview with The Kumquat, throbbing with anticipation. “Don’t worry, it’s not a sex thing, I just love watching barely legal teens, barely conscious and barely clothed.” In Smith’s defense, he was barely hard when discussing the topic. We contacted local police, but all officers were out responding to a noise complaint. So, we sat down with the Chief who said “Don’t worry, we’re supervising the event, we’ll have the best possible view.” He then snorted crushed Viagra and said “Gotta Blast.”