The Kumquat

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Junior returns from “life changing” study abroad experience — still an asshole

Jeremy Saxon spent spring semester in London and boy oh boy are you gonna hear about it.

“You really immerse yourself the culture,” Saxon said. “I was only there for 12 weeks, but I really felt like a lifetime. By the end of the trip, I wasn’t even speaking American anymore, I picked up English really easily.” But, despite the fact that Saxon now spells the words “gray”: “grey” and “color”: “colour”, being abroad didn’t make him any less of a dick.

“I was really expecting a new Jeremy,” acquaintance Peter Williams said. “He made so many Instagram posts about how he had ‘turned over a new leaf’ and that living in a foreign country was ‘really eye opening.’ But then, the first time I saw him he came up to me, grabbed me by the testicles and said ‘Ello Guvnor, how ya like deez nuts?’ and ran away. So, yeah, he’s pretty much the same. I guess he has kind of an accent now.”

Apparently, this is not an isolated incident. An unnamed source claimed they overheard Jeremy at Starbucks say, “You know, Trump has some good ideas.” The source said, “But he was drinking tea and eating a crumpet so I guess he’s … marginally different.”

We reached out to others close to Jeremy and there seems to be a consensus— he’s pretty much still the same piece of garbage he was a year ago, he just pronounces “aluminum” and “vitamin” differently.