Today is a somber day for Panthers both here and abroad. Public Safety officer Joshua Hinson has run out of Panther Bucks. The campus weeps for Hinson, who now will certainly have to gorge himself in the caf.

Hinson was quoted as saying “this is the kind of thing you’re never prepared for, you think you are but life finds a way to smack you on the tushie.”

After Kumquat reporters questioned his use of “tushie”, Hinson deflected saying “I’m not sure what to do without my “Mango-A-Go-Go” from Jamba Juice and my “Nova Lox” from Einsteins every morning”.

Hinson was most recently seen eating cilantro chicken and brown rice into his face at 9:00 a.m. on Tuesday.

“It’s the kind of thing you try to prepare yourself for, but when the day comes… you’re speechless.”