While coronavirus is causing global hysteria, Chapman Greek Life has their own take on how to deal with the pandemic. “I keep getting Facebook invites for frat parties and part of me is like, woah that’s so unsanitary but the other part of me wants to get really drunk and forget that any of this is happening to me,” says Anna, a senior. 

But don’t worry, precautions are being taken. “We’ve been spraying febreeze like crazy so you don’t have to worry. Plus the parties are now byob (bring your own bong) and we aren’t all sharing mouth stuff,” says Chase, a junior in Fiji. He also said, “personally, I’ve made the decision to socially distance from girls who aren’t at least an eight so I’m really taking this shit seriously.” Senior Clint Frenson takes it a step further saying, “Imma slam it doggy only.” 

“I’m going to as many parties as I can because I want to get asked to a frat formal,” says Emily, a sophomore who’s hot enough where she doesn’t really feel a sense of impending doom. We tried to remind her that frat formals are cancelled but she was already deep into her bottle of peach New Amsterdam that she refused to share because of “gross”. Just know that Chapman frats want you at their parties instead of quarantine except please don’t bring hand sanitizer since it’s alcohol content is over 15% :(