Perhaps the saddest story of this break comes from George, a junior communications major who “has a lot going on” and is struggling to adapt to life without his giant motorized scooter. George admits “I really was only trying to hit people, that’s the only reason anyone gets a motorized scooter. We want to hit pedestrians and then act like it’s not our fault.” 

George has been without his scooter ever since it didn’t qualify as an ESA Animal and was detained by airport security. “Without my scooter, I had no way to assert myself as the single biggest asshole on the flight; I reclined my seat all the way back, but any jerk can do that. I used to be special!”

Returning home, things didn’t improve much. George found himself unsure as to how to make people’s days significantly worse.“I tried getting behind the wheel, I even hit a few people, but it’s just not the same. The intimacy of slamming into an unsuspecting pedestrian’s achilles tendon is unmatched.” George plans to be the “judge, jury, and executioner” when he returns to campus, promising that “My scooter will be my blade.”