In very real news, Chapman has plans to disintegrate the Queer Studies minor and merge the remaining classes with the Women’s Studies minor. The Kumquat sent investigative reporter/recently-promoted-editor Kummy on the job. When he asked Struppa about it, he stared at Kummy blankly. “Well, Ladies, Girls, Beauties… The Females, and Queens, those are all types of women, so Women’s Studies is basically the same exact thing.” After he explained to Struppa what gay people are, he had to sit down. He had a lot of questions. Kummy answered them. Struppa fainted. When he woke up, he declared he would not be changing his mind. “Maybe it would be a good idea to just make a ‘minority’ minor and keep it all together.” Kummy punched Struppa in the face, and he went unconscious again. Then he left.