March Madness has swept the nation, and the little bitch towne of Orange. The Chapman University men’s basket-ball team has advanced to the NCAA Final Four! Lead by Power Forward Kevin from Calc class and Point Guard Daniel, the guy who puked up a Four Loko in the caf, the team has been slashing defenses throughout the first four rounds of the playoffs.

Their coach, Jeff Stamanza, says he doesn’t know how they’ve made it this far. “I usually get a pretty yuuuge migraine eight minutes into each game so most of the time I just sit in the equipment closet and throw back a room temp Gatorade while watching Jimmy Kimmel on my iTouch.”When asked for comment on the matter — Jerry Price said, “We have a basketball?”