Ignorant fool Michael Daly recently purchased the textbook for political Science 408– “Religious Fundamentalism, Pluralism, and the Demand for Tolerance.” The Junior laughingstock noted to a classmate that he spent $49.99 on the textbook and $8.99 on the optional reading book. “He’s either swimming in money or just the biggest clown in human history,” one student, Joe Renner, said. “Does he know that it’s available online for free?" He also didn’t cheat during the entirety of Covid. What a fucking idiot!” So true, Joe, so true.

Worse yet, Daly doesn’t seem to notice his own stupidity. “The professor told us we were going to need it,” he said. “So I bought it.” This embarrassing faux-pas is only exacerbated by the fact that quizzes and tests are based solely on PowerPoints and don’t reference the textbook at all. “Yeah, he’s a real Grade-A sucker,” the professor said. “Dumb as a box of rocks. He’s also the only asshat who comes to office hours. I hate him.” As Daly shows no sign of recognizing his misfortune, students are advised not to intervene but look unto him with pity and carry on.