13 Reasons Why I Deserve To Fuck Timothée Chalamet
I am in Dodge.
I am the next Greta Gerwig (probably).
I know curly haired film boys.
Whenever I see business major, Lexi Freund, post on her insta story with a Timmy Tik Tok, I scream at my phone. Liking him does not give you a personality. This is white on white cultural appropriation.
I have a friend of a friend who lives in New York and knows someone who maybe fucked him. It’s crucial that I have the opportunity to befriend my future eskimo sister.
Ok, so you saw Little Women? i AM Little Women.
I have great tits.
I made a sign that said “I need a haircut and also to get railed by Timothée Chalamet” at the anti-social distancing protest in the circle I attended with my grandparents.
I got on a plane headed to New York. Fuck the government, fuck frontline workers, fuck me Timothée.
I’m outside Timothée’s apartment. Ever since the protest I have been feeling icky (specifically flu like symptoms with an aggressive cough and congestion). Hot of me. (temp wise)
After Timothée didn’t answer the door, I came back home and ate bagels with my grandparents, which are Timothée’s favorite food!!
I went to my grandparents’ joint funeral.
I am severely disappointed in Timmy’s lack of attention towards me. I’m over him. I have information that he spread chlamydia to most of NYU. However, I have heard that Harry Styles is quarantining in LA and we all know he’d go down on me...